Tuesday, December 15, 2009

It's the Speed of Sound

I have never really understood how people can be so fickle and cruel. How you can care about someone so much but then turn around so easily and just be...hurtful.
Every time you do something even if it just hurts me a little, my resolve to step away from you grows stronger.
You only care when it's convenient for you.
I've always given out so many chances, and maybe you know that. Maybe you think because I'm always so forgiving it's okay to keep on acting the way you do. That I will always be here at the end of the day.
I may be. Someone else may come along, and you may just regret this year for the rest of your life. One can never know.
Enough of all this mushyness! A semester of college is behind me and winter break feels absolutely wonderful. I'm working on my new book, details anyone?
This one feels so right, I love the characters. After all, they are very dear to me. <3 Thanks to all my inspirations!
Can't wait for everybody to come on down. It mostly happens tomorrow! Excitement beyond words..

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Tell Me the Cliche Again?

Love is fickle and even when you wish it would leave your doorway it will stubbornly camp out. Now there's many definitions and interpretations of love and it can be over-analyzed to the point of exhaustion.
There's the loving somebody and never wanting to hurt them. Caring about them enough to want them to just be happy even if it doesn't involve you. The terrible tough love, "I will bear my pain to make you happy", love. The kind that's nothing but trouble really.
Not that I'm in love. Actually I'll stubbornly deny it and possible endure Chinese water torture before even thinking about admitting I'm still in love. I much rather like the idea that I just still deeply care about that other person.
The real question is how easy is it to fall out of love? When feelings change and situations differ does it fall dormant or just disappear all together?
Answer: well..ha there is no answer now is there?
So I have this unique situation one could say. I'm recently single, which is nice and independent.
I do not regret breaking up with my boyfriend, it wasn't right nor was I ready.
Truth be told told part of my heart is still in a bit of shambles over my serious ex boyfriend before him. I kept thinking over and over that I was just settling for second best. He made me smile but..it wasn't anywhere with what I had before. It was the same thing over and over..I felt like i was caught in a long theater performance or a tv series on repeat.
By now all girls are nodding sympathetically and telling me to get over my ex. Keyword girlfriend he's your EX which means not yours anymore.
I know, I know. In fact he's most definitely not mine seeing as he has a girlfriend.
Lost cause? Maybe. Tell that to my heart.
I'm trying to date other people. Half a year until I'm up where he is, if he's still with his girlfriend then I bury it.
But until then I'll put it on my back burner and try not to think about it too much. Sometimes its hard not to just think about what was then. Or even now.
The talks about anything and everything. So thrilled about music. The static electricity.
I'll stop now before I get carried away heh, it's too much. Good news is I don't hurt so much, I just miss..so much. And possibly long for someone that can keep up with me.

You got me caught me in all this mess
I guess we can blame it on the rain
My pain is knowing I can't have you
I can't have you
Tell me does she look at you the way I do?
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush
when you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy? Am I crazy...?