Monday, November 30, 2009

Life is like Algebra..there's far too many equations

Needless to say I find myself in yet another rut.
I'm happy. I am. But..I'm not sure if this is what I really want. I like spending time with him. I do. The only thing is its nowhere near what I lost before. Not to mention he's falling fast. And hard.
This tends to be a bit problematic really.
I really don't want to be in a serious relationship at the moment. It seems far too fast. I still feel like just yesterday I was in one. It's a bit of a blur sometimes.
Yet i'm staying in this relationship because I know I can't have what I use to and this guy does make me smile. But..I keep it playful in fear of anything going further. And I don't let him in.
Off to work..again. Mm..i'll get some days off soon thankfully!
For now lets crank up the ipod and Blame It On the Rain ^^

Monday, November 16, 2009

The art of the Weekend

Well a lot has changed since Friday! And it's only Monday...fantastic :]
Super thanks to Jessica for coming over with subway and smoothies and listening to me reminisce over the past and shed some tears. It did me a lot of good..then going to work and Jason making me laugh by serving a table with an Australian accent <3 Closing wasn't so bad since it ended up just being Elaine, Matt, Jamus, Kevin and me.
I had no idea how strong servers were..Then Jessica spent the night and we watched pointless videos before we fell asleep.
Saturday I ended up getting cut so I could have gone to Ludo but no reason to go without twin. Especially since everyone else ended up working.
I've forgotten since i started working more how much I adore running. Throwing together a quick playlist and just running until I'm ready to collapse feels great.
I'm getting back on my feet..and it's great.
Fair warning..What doesn't kill us only makes us next year I'm going to be a heck a lot stronger. And more fashionable <3
From now on this blog will center on a working girl trying to make it through saving up a car..surviving a fashion addiction and way too much music ^_^

Friday, November 13, 2009

A Mess of a Dreamer

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away

Letting go is possibly one of the most painful things you can do in your life. Whether letting go of somebody who died, just walked away, or a past lover.
Even when your strong don't want to keep up the strength it takes to keep moving forward.
I don't believe you care anything to what you use to. I don't believe any word that comes out of your mouth. All I know is that my heart is broken and I don't want anyone near it. I'm so scared and I feel so damn helpless. And I hate that you did this to me.
I hate that two months ago you were mine but I'm through with what if's because they just ruin me and only bring more pain. You wanted me to let this time I'm doing just that. I won't be soon and it won't be easy..but i'm going to try so damn hard.
There's no use denying the path is long..and hard..and painful. Becoming stubborn and promising myself i'll get through it is how i'm going to handle it.
I won't talk to you for two weeks like I said..i'll let the tears fall and my heart break. Then i'm going to slowly try to piece it together..fix us..fix our friendship..
And try not to think too optimistically.