Tuesday, December 15, 2009

It's the Speed of Sound

I have never really understood how people can be so fickle and cruel. How you can care about someone so much but then turn around so easily and just be...hurtful.
Every time you do something even if it just hurts me a little, my resolve to step away from you grows stronger.
You only care when it's convenient for you.
I've always given out so many chances, and maybe you know that. Maybe you think because I'm always so forgiving it's okay to keep on acting the way you do. That I will always be here at the end of the day.
I may be. Someone else may come along, and you may just regret this year for the rest of your life. One can never know.
Enough of all this mushyness! A semester of college is behind me and winter break feels absolutely wonderful. I'm working on my new book, details anyone?
This one feels so right, I love the characters. After all, they are very dear to me. <3 Thanks to all my inspirations!
Can't wait for everybody to come on down. It mostly happens tomorrow! Excitement beyond words..

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Tell Me the Cliche Again?

Love is fickle and even when you wish it would leave your doorway it will stubbornly camp out. Now there's many definitions and interpretations of love and it can be over-analyzed to the point of exhaustion.
There's the loving somebody and never wanting to hurt them. Caring about them enough to want them to just be happy even if it doesn't involve you. The terrible tough love, "I will bear my pain to make you happy", love. The kind that's nothing but trouble really.
Not that I'm in love. Actually I'll stubbornly deny it and possible endure Chinese water torture before even thinking about admitting I'm still in love. I much rather like the idea that I just still deeply care about that other person.
The real question is how easy is it to fall out of love? When feelings change and situations differ does it fall dormant or just disappear all together?
Answer: well..ha there is no answer now is there?
So I have this unique situation one could say. I'm recently single, which is nice and independent.
I do not regret breaking up with my boyfriend, it wasn't right nor was I ready.
Truth be told told part of my heart is still in a bit of shambles over my serious ex boyfriend before him. I kept thinking over and over that I was just settling for second best. He made me smile but..it wasn't anywhere with what I had before. It was the same thing over and over..I felt like i was caught in a long theater performance or a tv series on repeat.
By now all girls are nodding sympathetically and telling me to get over my ex. Keyword girlfriend he's your EX which means not yours anymore.
I know, I know. In fact he's most definitely not mine seeing as he has a girlfriend.
Lost cause? Maybe. Tell that to my heart.
I'm trying to date other people. Half a year until I'm up where he is, if he's still with his girlfriend then I bury it.
But until then I'll put it on my back burner and try not to think about it too much. Sometimes its hard not to just think about what was then. Or even now.
The talks about anything and everything. So thrilled about music. The static electricity.
I'll stop now before I get carried away heh, it's too much. Good news is I don't hurt so much, I just miss..so much. And possibly long for someone that can keep up with me.

You got me caught me in all this mess
I guess we can blame it on the rain
My pain is knowing I can't have you
I can't have you
Tell me does she look at you the way I do?
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush
when you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy? Am I crazy...?

Monday, November 30, 2009

Life is like Algebra..there's far too many equations

Needless to say I find myself in yet another rut.
I'm happy. I am. But..I'm not sure if this is what I really want. I like spending time with him. I do. The only thing is its nowhere near what I lost before. Not to mention he's falling fast. And hard.
This tends to be a bit problematic really.
I really don't want to be in a serious relationship at the moment. It seems far too fast. I still feel like just yesterday I was in one. It's a bit of a blur sometimes.
Yet i'm staying in this relationship because I know I can't have what I use to and this guy does make me smile. But..I keep it playful in fear of anything going further. And I don't let him in.
Off to work..again. Mm..i'll get some days off soon thankfully!
For now lets crank up the ipod and Blame It On the Rain ^^

Monday, November 16, 2009

The art of the Weekend

Well a lot has changed since Friday! And it's only Monday...fantastic :]
Super thanks to Jessica for coming over with subway and smoothies and listening to me reminisce over the past and shed some tears. It did me a lot of good..then going to work and Jason making me laugh by serving a table with an Australian accent <3 Closing wasn't so bad since it ended up just being Elaine, Matt, Jamus, Kevin and me.
I had no idea how strong servers were..Then Jessica spent the night and we watched pointless videos before we fell asleep.
Saturday I ended up getting cut so I could have gone to Ludo but no reason to go without twin. Especially since everyone else ended up working.
I've forgotten since i started working more how much I adore running. Throwing together a quick playlist and just running until I'm ready to collapse feels great.
I'm getting back on my feet..and it's great.
Fair warning..What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger..so next year I'm going to be a heck a lot stronger. And more fashionable <3
From now on this blog will center on a working girl trying to make it through saving up a car..surviving a fashion addiction and way too much music ^_^

Friday, November 13, 2009

A Mess of a Dreamer

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away

Letting go is possibly one of the most painful things you can do in your life. Whether letting go of somebody who died, just walked away, or a past lover.
Even when your strong enough..you don't want to keep up the strength it takes to keep moving forward.
I don't believe you care anything to what you use to. I don't believe any word that comes out of your mouth. All I know is that my heart is broken and I don't want anyone near it. I'm so scared and I feel so damn helpless. And I hate that you did this to me.
I hate that two months ago you were mine but I'm through with what if's because they just ruin me and only bring more pain. You wanted me to let go..so this time I'm doing just that. I won't be soon and it won't be easy..but i'm going to try so damn hard.
There's no use denying the path is long..and hard..and painful. Becoming stubborn and promising myself i'll get through it is how i'm going to handle it.
I won't talk to you for two weeks like I said..i'll let the tears fall and my heart break. Then i'm going to slowly try to piece it together..fix us..fix our friendship..
And try not to think too optimistically.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Well..It's Something

I'm not quite sure what to say exactly. You know things aren't how they use to be when your ex boyfriend texts your best friend more then you. The ive been busy line didn't mask that.
Not angry, disappointed a little bit, sad yes.
I just miss him. His silly quirks and how I use to tell him everything. I still want to, but I suppose the time for that has past hmm?
I'll be waiting for the moment where maybe he turns around and starts things first. Decides he misses me enough to call or try to see me when he's in town. Hey, i'm an optimistic dreaming girl lol. I need to stop that.
So..two guys chasing me pretty stubbornly. Hell no i refuse to get into a serious relationship. Yes yes i'm too stubborn I know. There's no point really anyways, i'll be gone next year.
Still they pursue..i mean honestly i'm not that bloody interesting you prats.
I think i'm becoming sort of bitchy lol..oopsie.
Good news, ive been picking up extra shifts here and there when the other hostesses don't want to work. So when I do get that paycheck the flight to Toronto and getting my ipod fixed shouldn't be that big of a problem. Everything else though put away in savings for my car!
Home is eh.
That simple.
Yet actually sort of complicated..
Been tutoring Colleen a lot giving her assignments. I won't let her fall behind, she's my sister after all..
Didn't have a nightmare last night..did the night before lol. Was a little bit frightened though..i'm such a scardy cat ^ ^
Bleh. Dropped my text again. I surrender. I give up. MKM i'm waving my white flag.
You win.

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Nerve.

I can not believe the nerve of him! (now I sound quite like Hermione...that would send somebody into laughter)
I've only known you for a little bit, i am NOT dating you and you have the nerve to ask me what three words i would say to you if i woke up naked next to you?
I'll tell you what I would say: Oh hell no!
Kelsea and a few others think me dating would be good for me..I don't want to and honestly its just a disastor.
I still like Matt.
Kevin from work reminds me of Sirius Black in his pure playboy glory which sort of makes me laugh since Kevin has glasses and looks NOTHING like Sirius Black. Not that I would date him if he did look like Sirius Black..argh! So irritating!
All this getting hit on only makes me compare them to Matt..its all pretty darn sad..
Maybe its all in vain, maybe matt has moved on..who can know? Nobody.
Ahs..oh wells..off to bed.
Positive: Big Bang Theory was epic like always....love love love
Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom
Man made up a story, said that I should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But I don't want the next best thing
So I sing, I hold my head down
And I break these walls 'round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love
But the story needs some mending
And a better happy ending'
Cause I don't want the next best thing
No, no, I don't want the next best thing

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Open Roads and Work

Went on my first nonfamily road trip! lol..it was pretty darn short but had LOTS of driving. Both ways..we drove a total of 12 hours pretty much. It wasn't bad at all though, I mad a mix CD and she had some cool mix CD's from a guy friend that were fun.
Friday started out normal, stuffy and humid..gross..Went to my math class when it started storming like the day after tomorrow. Interview..got job wooot!
Then around 4 Jess and me set out to Waco..gorgeous campus...Baylor is sooooo gorgeous! But then again Waco is not exactly the best area. Jess's GPS TomTom tried to lead us down this really creepy road at night...the type you see girls take in horror movies so we picked an alternative route after much protest and yelling from TomTom.
Picked up Dirin then left to Austin, another city to check off my list! Went straight to the soccer game then back to Jess's brother and sister in-laws apartment. After watching Jess and Dirin be silly trying to chug gatorade in a contest (which ended of course spewing it out their noses in the sink..) played the wii for the first time. I suck at golf lol..then again we were all pretty lame. Baseball and bowling was fun! Crashed around threeish then woke back up around 7 annnd out the door again!
Pretty much headed back only i started snapping random pictures along the way. Which is NOT easy when somebody is driving 80 miles per hour *ahem ahem*
All and all it was pretty fun, a lot of talking to last through the long drive. Still funny how Jess and my recent ex are both named Matt. Of course the convo of asking if I was going to date and so on came up.
Now that I have a second job..and i'm trying to start learning french on the side, i'm officially in SIFE, and home plus school..not much time anyways. It seems pointless to me for many different reasons. One being really busy. Two i'm leaving next year anyways and it just seems lame..I still do care about Matt even if him caring is fading or whatever the heck he's feeling. Still likes me? Great. Fading? Lets hope for next year.
Simple as that.
Mmm....not much else to do. Did studying during work..off to download music!

I’ve been losing sleep for days
You’ve been searching through the deserts and the caves
Your postcards hit me in waves
Sadly stinging me with songs from yesterday
Love such as it ends
Breaking the hearts that wouldn’t bend
Closes the doors you used to listen through
Love such as it ends
Into the flames we’ll start again

<3 Mia

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Such as it Ends

It's one of those darn days..the wind blows outside, the silence reminds you of winter and the absence of it all. So many things in caios right now..its absolutely insane. I can't sleep..i'm not sure why, i just can't. My mind never sleeps, it just keeps going and going as if determined to never give me a moments peace. So why not be productive?
Class in two hours..I would love to just fall asleep outside on the grass and let the wind gently blow around me the sun shinining down..I'm honestly starting to live and breathe music. Seldom do I want to put my ipod down, even when I do the lyrics dance around my head until i'm humming it. Maybe i've finally gone insane..^^
Maybe me being here this year is what's best. Dealing with everything on my own is what needed to be done. It seems that the people who use to need me have created this new life, and sometimes you just have to let go.
Not everything is like fairy tales, that is commonly know. Yet we still believe in the happy endings movies bring, the famous scenes where the girl leaves hoping the boy will chase after her..and he does. It's funny, and even as I write this I stay hopeful because I'll always have those optimistic beliefs. Though now I take it in a dose and the words of Evan drift back. How we view the world so differently, him as he claims not pessimisticly but just with logic. Open my eyes more, take a deep breath and try to keep the logic.
I don't regret how I view it, I wish everything that's happening to me wasn't..it's so bloody hard sometimes but i'm not going to write some sob story.
Look around and see what you have, and just appreciate that. The ones that fight, that come back, that are always there when you turn around..Keep them.
Sometimes its almost easy to settle for second best, to trick yourself into thinking your happy because its the easist road to take. No way in heck i'm doing that. Ive been on the long road for a while anyways, whats a bit more fighting?

Lost in a nightmare
But I'm here, and suddenly it's so clear
The struggle through the long years
It taught me to outrun my fears
Everything worth having, oh
Comes with trials worth withstanding

Sunday, October 4, 2009

So many things can be said about love. It's unpredictable that we all know. What we don't always remember is that its just as easily to fall out of love as in love. We take it for granted, or maybe we just put too much faith into it.
Either way once you fall, its hard and cold. You go into either depression or survival mode, all depends on who you are and how you handle things.
One of the most heart wrenching moments comes when the person you were once with finds someone else. Even if its not serious, the idea of being replaced twists your stomach until you regret eating anything at all in the last twenty four hours.
Ive dated many types of guys, i'm sure any of my friends would love to back that up and possibly tell stories. In middle school I jumped around never using the word no giving everyone a chance, in high school i became more selective.
My weakness has never been the jocks are any of those stereotypes..it's always been the dorky ones.
The ones that hold logic quite dearly, that causes me sometimes to want to rip my hair out.
Though its one of the things I adored about him, shaking my head it became an amusement. A quirk.
One friend I guess never saw that, and thinks its best for me to move on..to just forget.
Really..its what I feel. I listen especially to what my twin thinks and to certain others but when it comes down to it..they all know I've been super stubborn about this one.
It's a little scary now...having someone who speaks the truth outright. Tells you straight up that it all depends on chance. Chances are yes but it all depends.
Honestly its the truth though. If we meet someone in between one can hope it won't last and that we finally will find ourselves back to square one. Until that..I know its going to be a battle..but really..if Love wasn't a Battlefield that song certainly wouldn't have been so popular ^ ^
So Night to my peoples I have an essay that is waiting to be written..and sadly..it just won't write itself. *SIGH*

Do you remember when we didn't care
We were just two kids that took the moment when it was there
Do you remember you at all
Another heart calls


Went to Clear Lake's Homecoming since Kelsea still goes there :] All and all..it was pretty awesome. I got to eat out at the Flying Dutchman, Kelseas mum payed for both of our dinners which was verrrry sweet of her. Kelsea and me messed around on her macs photobooth at her mums till it was about time to go.
Of course once we all graduate they bring in an epic dj that's actually from 95.7 lol wow...Song highlights: Good Girls Go Bad. Sandstorm. All I've Ever Wanted.
Got to see all my lovelies! Some people flipped since they havn't seen me with bangs nor darker her, that was fun. <3 I'm pretty darn excited to see the Fall shows. Dracula soon!
Epic moment of the night: Seeing Rico and Alex Tango by during Shakira lol. As different as they may look they are perfect together.
Had to cheer up bestie during one sad slow song but all I had to mention was do you really want to cry over a song thats about a big green tractor? lol. Thought not.
Then I miss you came on by Blink 182. gee...thanks.
Outfit forecast for twin: Wore my little black dress from homecoming last year..that was actually loose..haha epic. silver prom stilettos, lovely silver and black owl necklace, with a red ribbon in my hair.
Came home to find dad drunk of course ranting about how Colleen being homeschooled and not going to homecoming is my fault. Well..ok. Somebody obviously had way too much vodka. Guess what? I can hear you ranting away in the living room. If i had a door..i'd lock it. For now i'll just thumbtack that sheet tight and keep the tv on and loud. Want to scare me and not take me to school? Bring it. I'll find a bloody way if I have to walk. Sorry buddy, you birthed a siriusly stubborn daughter, and two can play this game. As long as I can laugh and smile, you've lost.
Off to sleep so I can wake up early tomorrow (ok its already nearly one..) and continue to work on and finish my english essay and go to work.
Determined and Fashionable. ^ ^

It seems like everyday,I make mistakes
I just can't get it right,
It's like I'm the one you love to hate
But not today.
So shut up Shut up Shut up
Don't wanna hear it, Get out Get out Get out
Get out of my way, Step up Step up Step up
You'll never stop me, Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

Friday, October 2, 2009

Hey Friday

Wow its been forever since i've posted something! Ok, only a few days really..
I just thought i'd take advantage of this moment to write since soon hopefully I shall be busy working :] I'll still write, it shall just be shorter probley.
Job hunt today! Have an interview monday, Cross your fingers for me!
Get to sleep in tomorrow..I could cry i'm so happy..Starting to hate that darn alarm clock.
So..on the remus/eve tango front:
You try to forget the past which dosn't always end so well. Start flirting with we shall say..Amos and your only reminded how different Amos is from Remus. *smacks forehead*
Though to be fair..Amos is a pothead. Not the smartest choice. ^ ^
Now rereading that paragraph sends me into a fit of giggles..
I wander if its my phone..or just people taking breaks inbetween sending texts to me..ha hum..
Ok, i'm out for now <3

Can't read mine, can't read mine
No he can't read my poker face
She's got to love nobody

Sunday, September 27, 2009

The Lightbulb Clicks ON.

I need to let go of the past. I live in now..and I need to think only about that. Forget what use to be, forget that i'm the one here.
I mean...everyone else has a new life they've created, new friends, so on and so on.
All ive been trying to do is to fill the gaps of my world. I hate still being here for so many damn reasons.
Lack of the people I care about.
I guess I was making it alright then Kelsea got grounded and I felt like everyone was pretty gone. I don't mind spending my nights reading or writing..or finding new music. Though I probley shouldn't..i should try to go out. Bleh.
I'm reallly in love with All American Rejects at the moment...to the fifth power.
I wrote a really loooooong letter to him to just shake everything out. Still have no idea where I am..but then again that's life really. The type of moment when you turn to look at your friends and notice they have the same look of confusion on their face.
Nobody ever knows, its all about taking chances. Putting yourself out there, which kinda sucks by the way.
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Close. Yet soooooo darn far.
I think i've picked up his habit of over analyzing everything. heh, thats sorta amusing.
This is really random..maybe i'll get back on track soon. For now i'll continue the random ramble.
Darn it i really need a job...
Flipping flying frying pan. *sigh*
I siriusly need to get my life on track..i can't seem to do anything..stupid lack of transportation. Why are people so darn negative?!
I can understand for a little bit..but running away from things that make you happy..gah.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


Funny how the tide turns hmm? Knocked myself out of the little pity stage I was in. Yes, I'm still waiting. No I will not keep that attitude you saw the last two posts.
Todays the concert, wooo! I'm so excited! I've been listening to Blink 182 and All American Rejects..and eee so awesome! Take extra pics at Escape the Fate twin! *sniffle* :]
Off to class..Test today, good thing I studed.
So..if you don't watch glee..go to fancast.com. and watch it! It's such an epic show if your a fan of random dancing/singing lol Or tune in wendesdays at 8!
For twin: just threw on a new indie robe kinda spaghetti strapped dress, red teeny elephant necklace and flats. Don't feel like actually getting dressed till concert time lol Lazzzzzy..
Almost freaked when I saw my hair color in the mirror...<3 <3 <3 <3 it.
Okays off to class, byes!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Simply Said So

Today it's raining and cold, lovely weather. No sarcasm intended, I love the soft breeze of the wind as people splash through rain puddles. It does make me wish I had rainboots though.
Listening to my ipod that has seldom left my ear minus class and my lunch break where instead i opted to read like the dork I am.
Ran quite a lot last night, started to feel quite empowered about running. I have the emotion to drive me to it every night.
It's really odd having Kelsea grounded. I'm so use to her texting me back and forth, or us randomly meeting up in the week trying to hold together the complete utter caios that has happened lately.
I don't want to be thought of as weak. I'm trying very hard to handle it without clinging to people. I'm studying whenever I can for History Thursday and Algebra Friday. Then I work Friday Night, Saturday twin's birthday. Sunday evening I work. Then the week starts all over again. Focusing on Kelsea making sure she dosn't do anything stupid pulling a Romeo and Juliet to be with James. The thought of leaving to be with him has been threatend. ack. Not if I can bloody help it. I think she will be fine though until her month of grounding is over. I can't wait for that..I miss her already.
Waiting to hear from Cole, he was pretty sick last time I checked. I'm doing ok it just being me though.
I wish for Karma to get a little better. And not to randomly feel like i'm going to cry heh..not fun.
I'm not a very good actress anymore. Or maybe I just don't care enough to conceal my feelings. Whatever it is i'm not sure but either before class or afterwards i'm stopped and asked why i'm not that normal girl with a ready smile and laugh. I try to pass it off, oh nothing.
I save all my acting for the phone. For facebook. Twitter.
Thursday is going to be hell. I do not look forward to it.
It's kinda odd. I don't feel like i'm on a ledge or thin ice..just..no idea. Not serene..quiet maybe. Determined. Sad. Shielding my heart with all my might. I'm holding the pieces together as strong as I can.
It's not always like this. Moments I'm fine, just me. Then something happens to remind me, or I just remember.
This is lame. I know I could try to forget and move on but I don't feel like pretending.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Don't let the music Fade

Open a window beside Facebook. Put the phone away and resist the urge to text.
I fold my hands quietly in my lap trying hard not to open a new chat window. With him. So hard resisting the urge I hold my hands tighter in a knot. I can be stronger then this.
Blast the music. Run. Do anything but don't let the music stop and the silence start. Stopping and thinking is the end.
Schedule the hair appointment, pretend nothing has happened. Go on, Smile, Study, and Work.
How exactly do you continue to put one foot infront of the other. There's no other way then to just keep going. This is no sob story.
This is waiting.
This is where your heart can't quite be broken because the chance is still there. Where you know it isn't a dramatic moment because it's not over. Yet the waiting and scars scare you until your wondering what this is.
Already you ask how much longer. It has just begun.
Let the soft music play with your varying mood. One moment its loud and blaring, the next gentle like the past moments. It's up and down reminded of that credit score roller coaster commercial..
You wonder if you could fall asleep like Sleeping Beauty and pass the time with your eyes closed the world stopped around you until the cliche love interest wants to wake you.
Before the emotions come in all one big rush like a waterfall, and it feels like the end. You feel low and maybe you think I won't recover at all.
I don't feel like that.
I feel like myself only a bit lost. Like walking through a dream, sad but not depressed.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Emmys with not so much fun

Todays Sunday..which of course the date thing says, I just felt like I should say it.
Didn't do much today, went to work. did algebra homework. went on break with bf. blah blah blah
break with bf? I won't even go there.
Watching the Emmys, always fun. I sort of feel like i'm on autopilot..its quite interesting. As if something in the back of my mind keeps saying, "one foot infront of the other..one foor infront of the other..and at some point you'll get to off break".
Its times like these I laugh at myself and shake my head. Then at the same time, if it work..it works.
I say I won't mention it but it slips, oopsie.
****Pros in my life:
There's a chance I could be a server at Lakewood which means $10 an hour
I'm enrolled in school
I do have one man in my life. My dog Frodo who came over to lick up my tears :)
I have a twin who is beyond amazing and friends who really care about me
I can go clubbing.
I've lost weight and i'm on the way for more.

Home=Not fun
I do have another guy in my life, its just postponed which means I have to wait.
No Car.

I know it will help that everyones coming in this weekend, i'm really darn excited to see them. Just keep it moving. Sell my ticket hopefully..then it can go towards something productive like a cute clubbing dress instead of just waste. Blah..don't really feel like talking. More so I think i'll just go finish watching the Emmys and listen to music.

Friday, September 18, 2009

I just..mmmmm

It's Friday which can make any day seem better no matter how you feel when you wake up.
Since I only had a 50 minute class to attend I got to sleep in which was fantastic!

for twin: black cross strapped baby doll top, skinny jeans, rustic once gold charm checklace single layer, and layered braclets with checkered vans. I'm feeling lazy maybe due to my hair that today seems like I walked off the coast with beach waves.
Today was fun :) Becca is going to take me to numbers sometime since i'm 18 yay! And I had fun being my dorky self today..
summary: Since I was given a stick I ended up dancing around with it which led to me being called a Druid..lol Which of course I took in stride and started my education of being mad at those silly apartments for stopping the natural cycle of the trees in this area! ;) lol well maybe not the last part..but it was hard to put that stick down. "I love me some tree".
Out on the docks I got a teeny bit distracted...and started singing my own techno song and danced around like I was a secret agent getting amusement sawing at the old rope which one thread at a time lol.
Then later on..I danced under the garage singing I'm a maniac..maniac on the floor! lol..yeah its been a good day to say at the least.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Ha hum...

Taking a break from my Art Appreciation studying extravaganza so my head doesn't exactly explode. My day today..was wonderful for the most part. One of my friends who I sort of knew at Clear Lake, Rebecca, and me hung out before Algebra and checked out all the club tables. Ironic fact: She's a distant cousin to Matt..haha
Needless to say we nearly got attacked by club members willing to recruit any passerby. On the up side, I found three clubs I really like. Yeah, yeah three is a lot lol but one only meets twice a month so I don't think it shall really be a problem. Plus..I'll admit i'm the lame one out of everyone and I havn't exactly tried to make new friends just because home, working out and school work keeps me pretty busy then Kelsea and twin fill up the rest of the time. Though that is changing! I mean I have Eric that I randomly see before Algebra also and of course Art appreciation to hang out with (yay for him being a dork also!) but it would be nice to have a few other people.
Though listening to Alex go on and on bout how she might like Rico takes up some time too lol (I love you mini)
Fustrations throughout the day but I don't see them vanishing anytime soon..*Small growl* Other then that i'm still bouncing about pretty good.
I'd like to take this moment to ask if anyone reads this..send good karma to twin! She needs to have a beyond amazing day tomorrow :) She definitley deserves it.
Can't wait to start planning the trip to Flordia this summer for the Harry Potter convention and theme park...i am such a small child when it comes to this. I swear I shall be worse then if you gave me a dozen cupcakes at three am. So those coming: youve officially been warned. Though I suppose you all really won't be any better either hehe.
Oh and twin: I'm reallly falling in love with cardigans..you've passed on the trait.
Glad this is actually a pretty upbeat blog, I know lately its been kinda up and down..rollercoaster circular warp speed sorta crazy.
OH! more good news..Ive talked to my bank and instead of having to save up a whole bunch of money and everything I qualify for an auto loan that i can just pay off monthly..sure it shall be a little more expensive..but its still pretty awesome :)
lurv mia

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Another day

Wow..watching Bones and one of the guys being interrogated is played by the actor whose from Boy Meets World. He played Sean! lol ok anyways..
Unlike my twin, it is not a beautiful day here..sorta sticky but cool for the most part which is nice. I went to History Class and we randomly did a "get to know your neighbors" excercise. It was actually funny trying to scramble to different desks and talk for only 30 seconds. Did I make friends? As much as you can cramming in Himynameis i'mfrom..igraduatedin.. ^_^
Spent the rest of my time before Art doing two outlines, ate lunch, and did algebra..Finally went to art, I adore that class so much now! Starting to get much better at naming what period a painting is from by looking at characteristics.
Though..I was freezing my butt off. The West side of the building is so cold you can half expect penguins to be waddling down with the illusion its Antartica.
Need to decide what color to dye my hair..arg..i can't decide. Obviously i'm in a shade range..but I can't figure out the specific color.
Now if you excuse me i'm off to live, breathe, and inhale art for my test Thursday.
Oh this happened for luck: My History Test is next thursday..:( humph so much for skipping class

Monday, September 14, 2009

Cloud 9

*happy dance*
compromise. off break. focus on school. thats all i shall say bout him from now on in this blog minus the oh i miss him lol
that's all for this blog posting..
song- Celebration ;)


Waking up and realizing its honestly not a nightmare is possibly the worst thing that can happen to a person. I'm glad to say though..the day always brings new things. After waking up and having a dream about him of course..i guess counting sheep in my attempt to stop this from occuring didn't work. It was a silly optimitisc dream where I suggested that when he's down here we date then go back to putting it on hold where he's away..wow..I took a moment to smack myself before turning on my playlist. Like he'd do it anyways..but I can dream that the break won't last till i'm in San Antonio..Summer maybe? A girl can dream.
Like a zombie I threw on my favorite comfy All Time Low shirt, skinny jeans, and just flats and pinned back my hair. I almost started crying but deep breaths kept me fine until I got to the car. Shuffle on, Halo came on....its amazing how a song that's suppose to be happy can send you over the edge. I made it to English class and focused..then it turned out I didn't need to. Going over an arguementive paper, the one thing i'm really good at..Ethos..Pathos..blah blah blah. Zoning out wasn't really an option, it was more of a requirement.
For the sake of not boring you to tears, I won't share what stayed on my mind.
After class I already was fixing to put my headphones into my ear when my friend Rebecca stopped me and asked me that question. The one you never really want to answer.
"Are you ok?"
At first I felt the tears come up then I stopped and almost laughed. "My boyfriend asked for a break".
Cue the sad understanding look, most girls know what break means. I found the tears vanishing as I actually laughed agreeing with her look. "Yeah..it does suck." I explained everything how its really just on hold..and how hopefully it will pick back up. It's just painful right now dealing with the status of girlfriend being take away and merely given the title friend. A title that you know obviously many people in that persons life holds.
I know i'm going to be ok. It won't be easy, and I know there will be times for a bit where I'll want to cry..or just feel my heart twist. For now though..i'll put my heart in a secret compartment.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

This goes out to my boyfriend, who will never read this. I have to get this out..
I'm sorry I'm not some epic girlfriend that has a car and can come and get you or has a lot of money to get you to come down. But when you talked to me last night i literly felt six inches tall. I felt beneath you, like everything i did was wrong and stupid in your eyes.
"Everything you try to do falls through".
Picking you up from the airport didn't fall through. Staying at my house didn't fall through. One time getting you to San Antonio fell through. I'd do anything to help you, but newsflash its not my responsibility.
Then when I tried to explain hopefully when I get my car things will get easier silence filled the air, I know you doubt me. Then you asked me the question that confirmed this. "How much do you have put aside"
Let me tell you something please. Within the past month I spent 600 on San Jac between my payment, textbooks, supplies, and other things I needed. I don't make 600 a month..right now I make 280 to 320 a month. My san jac payment is 240 and my cell phone 57. That right there is nearly 300 dollars. I'm not asking for pity but I don't like your tone of voice, I do not sit on my flipping butt all day long. Im cleaning after everyone, trying to keep things together..its not easy. However i'm sure you think so.
I understand your stressed, I really do. I know how you get when your stressed, but me being your target? It really hurts. Somehow its my fault..its usually that. Have you noticed? It's a two way street. I called my Twin because Kelsea and Alex couldn't calm me down, I was just crying. I don't understand how I keep screwing up, i honestly don't..What am I doing wrong? What am i ACTUALLY doing wrong?
You said we text everyday? I love you but that's BS. Sometimes we don't text at all and then when we do its for about ten to fifteen minutes. I'm not asking for a lot. I'm honestly not! Maybe every other day I just want to hear your voice for five minutes. That's all.
Lately you act like i'm not worth it, like all I do is add to your stress. After crying and shaking and feeling like absolute crap I want to tell you something.
I am worth it.
You may not think so, but I am.
I love you. I can promise I love you with my whole heart. I really honestly care about you, everything that I am actually able to do..I do. Whenever your stressed, if you call me? I'll try to calm you like I use to do. I never even look at another guy, because I'm so happy to have you..but if just me isn't enough..I don't know how I can make you happy. Because i'm not changing, this is who I am. And i will never be one of those girls who bends to the guy. You should know that..i'm too stubborn, and I get enough of it already.
And i'm not weak. The people who really love me see that and they know. Maybe my life looks easy but its bloody sure not. You were once in a situation like mine, you got out..ive still been here.

Friday, September 11, 2009


I'm siriusly loving today. Only class was college algebra 50 minutes long. Although I'd like to thank Teka for sending the pouring rain from San Antonio down to Houston, as it is now raining outside my window. It's great for cool temperatures but with the added humidity i'd like to thank the stars for once that my boyfriend is at UTSA and can't see my current fro. Today i'm going to continue with aerobics no matter how painful or easy it would be to just laz about and read..its just hard actually getting back into the workout routine. Sore...

Last Night Vampire Diaries premiered on the CW, this show along with Glee and Bones i'm definitley going to be keeping an eye on. Did i mention that Vampire Diaries has better effects then Twilight did in theaters? The honest truth.

So for my twin: Outfit forecast- Black spaghetti strapped dress with white flowers along hem and top, navy long sleeved cardigan, pirates of the caribbean necklace, and simple black flats. Hair thrown back in a pony tail :)

I end this offbeat blog with this a song i've been stuck on all day:

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Here We Go!

Alrightys, so. This is obviously a blog (otherwise your very confused at the moment of why you stumbled across the rambling of an 18 yr old girl).
Back to business!
This blog has been created on numerous accounts.
1. Mainly due to College everyone is spread all over the country! Ok..thats a bit dramatic, really just all over Texas. So my friends and me are using this to keep in touch with each other Hi morgan! cole! twin! ^_^
2. Everyones got a lot to say..annnnd i'm part of everyone.
3. Why not?..see, I bet you can't think of anything.

I guess in this blog posting i'll do a little "get to know me". That terrible thing you have to do whenever you start the first day of school or when you step into college and you have one of those teachers who decides they have to know random facts about you.

I go to San Jacinto at the moment working on my freshmen year, but I plan to transfer to UTSA or Trinity.
I adore music to the point of going to concerts and getting your ears nearly blasted off, its really fun.
I'm a writer, not to sound cliche or anything lol. I love to write, i'm currently working on two stories, though I have another one on a back burner. Will I post stuff? Possibly maybe so..
Now for a random word montage of things I like!
Harry Potter <3 <3 <3......Glee......British Invasion....Bones.....History....Vampires....Forensics...Art appreciation (One of my classes..its fantastic)...and Fashion

I believe that's enough for the moment, i'm off to cook dinner! Taking left over cocktail shrimp and boiling pasta to make a yummy alfredo dish.
by the way: if you havn't heard or watched Glee..just do it. It's epic.